Disrupting Negative Patterns to Change Beliefs

CBT- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is based on the idea that our thoughts affect our emotions which affect our actions which affect our thoughts which affect our emotions and so on, in a repetitive cycle. In CBT we examine this relationship and change different aspects to break negative cycles. this is a highly evidence based theory and is very popular right now in the therapy world. It is somewhat related to DBT which focuses more on behavior while CBT focuses more on thought processes.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy primarily focuses on analyzing and questioning the clients’ thoughts, with special emphasis on negative assumptions we make about others. It’s normal to try to predict events, or guess the thoughts people around us are having. It can help us react more quickly to situations. It is very possible to make yourself miserable this way though.

Here’s a hypothetical scenario. Sarah goes to a party and meets a girl named Jane. Jane avoids doesn’t say much and doesn’t laugh at the joke Sarah tells. Sarah tells Jane it was nice to meet her and Jane says “thank you,” instead of “you too,” and walks away. Sarah thinks “She doesn’t like me,” Sarah feels hurt and angry, and starts thinking about all the things she could have done differently in that interaction. Then Sarah’s friend Alex sees Sarah’s face and says “Oh don’t worry, Jane gets really shy around big groups of people. She’s always like that at parties.” Sarah feels better, knowing that this wasn’t personal. Later Sarah sees Jane at a board game night at Alex’s house and talks to her again, they have a much nicer interaction, and Sarah is really glad Alex told her Jane is shy, or she probably would have avoided talking to Jane.

Nothing about the interaction changed when Alex told Sarah Jane was shy, it only changed the way Sarah thought about the interaction. The thought “She doesn’t like me,” was not helping Sarah in any way and was causing negative emotions. A Cognitive Behavioral Therapist could help Sarah analyze her thoughts, so she could think on her own “Maybe that wasn’t about me, maybe something is going on that I don’t know about,” which would become a habit over time and reduce her stress and negative emotions without anyone else’s help. 

CBT, and its branches DBT and RO-DBT, might also focus on behavior. 

Here’s a second hypothetical example. Sarah doesn’t think anyone wants to spend any time with her. She worries if she asks her friends to hang out, or tries to talk with her coworkers, they will say no and might be annoyed with her. As a result she has not seen most of her friends in a month, and doesn’t know any of her coworkers very well. Her friends and coworkers assume she’s busy and give her space. A Cognitive Behavioral Therapist could work with Sarah on facing her fears and texting her friends. Sarah might find that her friends are happy to hear from her, and tell her they missed her. This contradicts the negative thoughts she was having, and reminds her that sometimes interacting with people is a positive experience for her and the people she’s talking to. The next day at work she asks her coworker how they are doing, and finds out they have a lot in common with Sarah. 

This modality doesn’t change things immediately, but over time when we get into habits and thought processes that are better for us, it changes the way we see ourselves and other people. There’s an extent to which you can do this to yourself, and many books have been written on the subject, but it is easier with another person involved.

This is the final post for our changing beliefs series. A new series will be launched next Tuesday. Please check out the other posts in this series if you haven’t already.