Please Don’t Compete in the Burnout Olympics

If someone says “I’m a little tired I only got 6 hours of sleep last night,” we might feel an urge to reply “6 hours? Lucky you, I only got 4 hours of sleep.” This turns the conversation into a competition, the ‘winner’ being whoever is having the worst time. It may feel good, in the moment, to do this because we feel like it makes us look strong, but it encourages a culture of believing that losing sleep, skipping meals, and sacrificing our own happiness for the sake of ‘productivity’ or ‘being tough’ are good measures of our worth. We might feel like we have to do this because we’ve seen other people do it and that’s the “normal reaction”. If we say “y’know that doesn’t sound healthy” we worry that  the other person might think “oh this person can’t tolerate an 8 hour shift on 4 hours of sleep, what a wimp." We do have choices though. It’s not always easy, but it is important to treat ourselves and others with kindness. The prizes for winning the burnout olympics are not fun; they include, high blood pressure, low self esteem, disrespect from others, stomach ulcers, and depression. 

Normalize self-care

Whenever we do something, we normalize it and give the people around us permission to do the same thing. If we look out for the people around us, compliment them on their achievements, and notice the hard work they’re putting in, they are more likely to do the same for us. Asking for support allows the people around us know that it’s okay to ask us, and each other for support too. 

Say kind things

If we hear someone say they haven’t gotten much sleep, a kind thing that we could say might be “I didn’t get enough either. Let’s do our best to get what we can do today, and maybe we can come in more rested tomorrow,” or “It’s hard to show up when you’re tired. I’m glad you’re here, but I hope you get more rest tonight.” Fulfilling our basic needs is important and bonding or competing over who gets to have it worst doesn’t help. We can normalize taking good care of ourselves, and listen to people when they voice that they’re struggling. We can also talk about taking care of ourselves, without justifying it by boasting about our suffering. “I really need a break so I’m taking one.” “I want to get enough sleep tomorrow so I’m going to make sure I get home in time to get everything I need done first.” “I’m really glad I ate food for breakfast today instead of just coffee, it really put me in a better mood.” 

Use your breaks and benefits

This primarily applies to employment, but it can apply to volunteer positions, group projects, or any kind of task where there are agreed upon workloads, turns, prizes, or benefits. Many people worked very hard to standardize mandatory breaks, vacations, sick days, the 40 hour work week, and weekends. When we use those benefits we honor those people and we give our coworkers permission to take care of themselves. When we work overtime, skip our breaks, show up sick, we give your bosses permission to belittle our coworkers by saying “Why can’t you be like ____?” Which puts our coworkers in a tricky position. If you don’t use your rights you will lose them.

Ask for help

This can be really scary and vulnerable, we often have a fear of burdening others. For the most part though, people like helping other people. Do it in a way that makes sense for the context. If you notice someone else is doing great at a task you struggle with– ask them about it. Compliment them, say “you’re so good at that, can you take a look at what I’m doing and give me some feedback?” and if they say no that’s okay, but you might learn something and they might feel their effort has been seen and appreciated. It can also be helpful to, if the workload is spread unevenly, say “Hey is there anyway I could get a bigger team on this task,” or “would we be able to get more people in this area I noticed we’re all going as fast as we can.” At home, tell the people you live with the tasks you're worried about, especially ones that affect the whole household (dishes, shopping, driving, taxes, cooking, etc.) and ask if there’s anything they would be willing to take off your plate. 

Takeaway

Ultimately we can’t control what other people do. We can model the behavior we want to see, we can speak honestly and genuinely, and we can try to give the gift of courage. Above all we need to take care of ourselves and prioritize our wellbeing. In cases where boundary setting and communication are too difficult, or burnout is happening a lot, that’s something a therapist would be happy to help with.